How breast cancer affected my body and sex life Darlaine HoneyThursday 21 Jun 2018 7:00 am Share this article via facebookShare this article via twitterShare this article via google
Having breast cancer shattered my self-esteem I was diagnosed with breast cancer in October 2016 after a routine screening appointment. When they told me, I felt strangely calm. I just wanted the cancer gone and to get on with my life.
Breast cancer diagnosis stops the vast majority of women from wanting sex My partner of four and a half years, Bernie*, came with me on the day of my diagnosis. He said to the nurse, ‘don’t worry, I’ll look after her’. In the beginning, I was so caught up in the whirlwind of appointments and surgeries that it was hard to take anything in.
Then I noticed after the first of my five operations that Bernie stopped giving me any sexual attention. At first, I thought it was because he was scared to hurt me, but it just continued. In fact, I don’t think we ever had sex again.
By January 2017, I was finding it increasingly hard to manage emotionally. I was working full time, commuting for four hours a day and going to endless hospital appointments – it was overwhelming.
I gradually felt the need to be on my own for a bit, so I temporarily moved out of our home into a bedsit. But we still spent some evenings and all the weekends together and we spoke constantly – we were still very much a couple.
So it was awful to find out he was on a dating site the very same day I had my final operation, a double mastectomy. After the surgery, he was outwardly very supportive – he helped me with my dressings and generally took care of me, so the discovery was a real shock and has caused me intense pain.
It was a huge double whammy – having breast cancer and losing my breasts was bad enough, but to be rejected by my ex was incredibly traumatic. I’m fine with my new breasts, but I’m worried about how a sexual partner will react to them
This turn of events has shattered my confidence – in my body and in myself as a female. It’s a year on and I feel really anxious about the possibility of starting another relationship.
Not only am I worried about being knocked back again because I don’t look the same, but I’m really nervous about negotiating sex with someone new as my body has changed so much.
For example, hormone therapy – which I’ll be on for at least another seven years – comes with a whole host of side effects, including painful joints, vaginal dryness, and mood swings.
If and when I have sex again, I run the risk of getting stuck in an awkward position, or falling asleep in the middle of a date. And although I do have an amazing friend who has been trying to help me get back to sex, I still don’t feel confident or comfortable and have to be covered up.
I can’t imagine what it will be like with someone new. If I start dating again, when would I tell them about my breast cancer?
Would they also reject me?
I imagine my ‘foobs’ (my name for my reconstructed breasts) may look a little strange with no nipples, but actually I’m fine with them as I’m grateful to have the cancer removed. I’m starting to feel stronger and more able to move forward with life – I’m just not there with sex yet.
I know I have a long way to go, but I will get there.
Read more: https://metro.co.uk/2018/06/21/how-breast-cancer-affected-my-body-and-sex-life-7628901/?ito=cbshare
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