http://www.uneasypink.com/2011/10/wrapping-up-pinktober.html Monday, October 31, 2011Wrapping up PinktoberPosted by Katie Ford Hall...and not a minute too soon. I have kept my October red, orange and yellow for the most part and that is the way I plan to keep it. As I mentioned the other day, Simply Power Yoga did a breast cancer fundraiser on Sunday and this was an event with depth -- no boobies, no ta tas, no pink cocktails. I am honored that the studio owner, Heidi, asked me to open the class with a short reflection. I was also humbled that she allowed me to lead the Om at the end. Here is what I said. People speak of breast cancer in heroic terms but when I was diagnosed in 2008, I did the same thing any one of you would do. I put my head down and powered through a year of treatment that included the removal of lymph nodes, chemotherapy, a double mastectomy and radiation. Or as we insiders like to call it – slash burn and poison. I had the greatest cheerleading squad during that year but when it was over, they went back to their familiar lives. For me, there was no going back, just a lot of figuring out where to go next. Now I use just about any event as a measuring stick of longevity, so I remember that 13 months after treatment ended and two months after I had my port removed, my journey brought me to SPY. I realized how crooked I was, both protective of my damaged body and spiritually hunched over. When you see pink ribbons and hear about the triumph of survivorship, know this. There are people who don’t survive this disease, like my friend Ashley who I saw for the last time in this room before she died in August. The rest of us live with shame, anger, grief and most of all, fear. I know you would fix that if you could, but breast cancer is a solitary journey. I don’t say lonely, because I’m not lonely here. As I stretch and strengthen my damaged body, as I push it toward its new closer edge, I know you are doing the same. For every visible scar, there are dozens no one can see. I feel like I can show up in this one breath, one body, one spirit place, any day in whatever state of repair or disrepair I find myself. When I leave my armor of fear and shame at the door, I not only come face to face with my demons but also catch glimpses of something extraordinary. In September, someone posted this John O’Donohue quote to SPY’s facebook wall. ‎"Your identity is not equivalent to your biography. There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility." With deep gratitude for this past year of acceptance and support, I come back, searching for that whole place within me and side by side with you. at 3:22 PM 6 comments:Jody said...This is beautiful, Katie, from stretching a body that is "spiritually hunched over" to trading "insider knowledge." I hate that you had cancer. But damn, I sure am glad to know YOU. Love, JodyOctober 31, 2011 3:29 PMKatie Ford Hall said...Thanks Jody. Agree on all counts. :) KatieOctober 31, 2011 3:45 PMbeingsarahblog said...Katie. Lovely, really lovely. I love this: "For every visible scar, there are dozens no one can see." That's just perfect. Thanks, SarahOctober 31, 2011 4:24 PMnancyspoint said...You wrapped Pinktober up quite nicely here. I like the line about the scars too. I know I have many scars no one can see, but I can surely feel. Those invisible ones can be the worst kind can't they?October 31, 2011 5:39 PMAnneMarie said...Invisible Scars... I think you struck a nerve with ALL of us, Katie. That may turn up as the title of a blog post and if I steal it, I will credit you.... Everything rings so true-the solo journey even if we are not lonely, the guilt and the fear. October 2011. It's a wrap. Maybe next year...... just maybe...... I have hope. The difference is that I KNOW HOPE isn't curing or preventing a damn thing. xoxox AnneMarieOctober 31, 2011 8:06 PMChez said...Hi, I found you through (Being) Sarah....a lovely post, can relate to a lot of it...especially the invisible scars. Love Chez. xxNovember 1, 2011 6:05 AM

Monday, October 31, 2011

http://www.uneasypink.com/2011/10/wrapping-up-pinktober.html

    Monday, October 31, 2011

Wrapping up Pinktober

Posted by Katie Ford Hall

...and not a minute too soon.  I have kept my October red, orange and yellow for the most part and that is the way I plan to keep it. 

As I mentioned the other day, Simply Power Yoga did a breast cancer fundraiser on Sunday and this was an event with depth -- no boobies, no ta tas, no pink cocktails.  I am honored that the studio owner, Heidi, asked me to open the class with a short reflection.  I was also humbled that she allowed me to lead the Om at the end.

Here is what I said.

People speak of breast cancer in heroic terms but when I was diagnosed in 2008, I did the same thing any one of you would do.  I put my head down and powered through a year of treatment that included the removal of lymph nodes, chemotherapy, a double mastectomy and radiation.  Or as we insiders like to call it – slash burn and poison. 

I had the greatest cheerleading squad during that year but when it was over, they went back to their familiar lives.  For me, there was no going back, just a lot of figuring out where to go next.  Now I use just about any event as a measuring stick of longevity, so I remember that 13 months after treatment ended and two months after I had my port removed, my journey brought me to SPY.  I realized how crooked I was, both protective of my damaged body and spiritually hunched over. 

When you see pink ribbons and hear about the triumph of survivorship, know this.  There are people who don’t survive this disease, like my friend Ashley who I saw for the last time in this room before she died in August.  The rest of us live with shame, anger, grief and most of all, fear.  I know you would fix that if you could, but breast cancer is a solitary journey.  I don’t say lonely, because I’m not lonely here.  As I stretch and strengthen my damaged body, as I push it toward its new closer edge, I know you are doing the same.  For every visible scar, there are dozens no one can see. 

I feel like I can show up in this one breath, one body, one spirit place, any day in whatever state of repair or disrepair I find myself.  When I leave my armor of fear and shame at the door, I not only come face to face with my demons but also catch glimpses of something extraordinary. 

In September, someone posted this John O’Donohue quote to SPY’s facebook wall. 

‎"Your identity is not equivalent to your biography. There is a place in you where you have never been wounded, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility."   

With deep gratitude for this past year of acceptance and support, I come back, searching for that whole place within me and side by side with you.  

at 3:22 PM  

6 comments:

Jody said...

This is beautiful, Katie, from stretching a body that is "spiritually hunched over" to trading "insider knowledge."

I hate that you had cancer. But damn, I sure am glad to know YOU.

Love,
Jody

October 31, 2011 3:29 PM

Katie Ford Hall said...

Thanks Jody. Agree on all counts. :) 

Katie

October 31, 2011 3:45 PM

beingsarahblog said...

Katie. Lovely, really lovely. I love this:
"For every visible scar, there are dozens no one can see."
That's just perfect. Thanks, Sarah

October 31, 2011 4:24 PM

nancyspoint said...

You wrapped Pinktober up quite nicely here. I like the line about the scars too. I know I have many scars no one can see, but I can surely feel. Those invisible ones can be the worst kind can't they?

October 31, 2011 5:39 PM

AnneMarie said...

Invisible Scars... I think you struck a nerve with ALL of us, Katie. That may turn up as the title of a blog post and if I steal it, I will credit you.... Everything rings so true-the solo journey even if we are not lonely, the guilt and the fear. October 2011. It's a wrap. Maybe next year...... just maybe...... I have hope. The difference is that I KNOW HOPE isn't curing or preventing a damn thing. 

xoxox
AnneMarie

October 31, 2011 8:06 PM

Chez said...

Hi, I found you through (Being) Sarah....a lovely post, can relate to a lot of it...especially the invisible scars. Love Chez. xx

November 1, 2011 6:05 AM