Adding Cancer Survival to the 'To Do' List
Gone are the days when you take a day off when you are sick. It is no longer enough to rest and recuperate, we don't have time for that. If we have a cold, we take Nyquil to sleep, and some other pill to get us through the work day.
But we expect that this won't be the case for major illnesses, especially cancer. We imagine there is time to recover, to reflect, to process, but the reality is quite different, especially if you are a parent responsible for small children.
Because of advances in medicine, many procedures that diagnose, and treat cancer are out-patient. There is no time to be cared for, you go in, get poked and prodded, then head home to take on the other chores of life. Your doctor says, with a smile, that you can return to work.
But we don't want to return to work. We need a break.
The process is too often like this:
- the cancer is discovered, either a lump is felt, or it shows up in some screening (what is not documented at this time, as that we go back to work, pick up the kids, cook dinner, go on)
- a biopsy indicates the cancer is malignant and treatment options are discussed (we rush from doctor to doctor, they give us their opinions, maybe we get second opinions, all during breaks at work - holding back our own pain, swinging by the grocery store on the way home)
- treatment begins. We are exhausted, and nauseous. We still make it in for work. We don't think we are doing a very good job. We feel sick, we feel unattractive... we go home, and don't feel like a very good parent.
- treatment ends. We are still tired, maybe more so because treatment can have a cumulative effect. We are used to seeing our doctors every day, but now we have this void. All of the professionals who are there to help us fade away - and we are back in the role of parent, employee... someone other people rely on.
This is just the reality of surviving cancer in the modern day.
Cancer is no longer a death sentence. That's a good thing!! But it also has become an outpatient procedure, in spite of the difficult physical hurdles to overcome, and emotional trauma to process. Somehow, we are expected to continue on with our lives, thankful to be alive (and we are), but also expected to keep pace with the rest of the world.
What can cancer survivors do to find balance? How can a cancer survivor nurture themselves, and still take care of their families and keep their job?
1) Reset priorities. This can be anything, but your priorities should be meaningful to you. Write them down if necessary. If your children are a priority, this doesn't mean you have to give into their every whim, but that you choose to set aside quality time for them. If work is a priority, you can forgive yourself if you are late, as long as you are proud of the work you do. We can't do everything, every day. But we can do a few meaningful things.
2) Take 15 minutes in the morning and at night, and write in a journal. In the morning, start the day with a sense of new beginnings. Think of all the possibilities. Think of things you'd like to accomplish (again, one or two meaningful things, not an overwhelming 'to do' list), but also think of at least ONE thing that you will do to nurture yourself. This can be a simple walk in the fresh air during your lunch break, or a cup of tea with a friend. Find some time during the day to do something that brings you personal joy. In the evening, remember your accomplishments. Be proud that you are doing so well (it truly is remarkable all that we accomplish). Remember our children's successes. Forgive yourself for anything that is left undone and celebrate the special moments of that day.
3) A few days a week, fit in an activity that connects your body and mind and the world around you. One of the best ways to do this, for cancer survivors, is through yoga. The deep breathing, and mental focus in yoga has numerous benefits for stress reduction, the immune system, overall health and well-being. But any form of exercise that you enjoy will have similar benefits: walking, hiking, tennis, swimming, paddling... you feel better physically, and have improved mental clarity.
Your children will see you at peace and will learn and grow and be inspired by your strength. They don't need a gourmet meal every night, they want your love and attention. Your employer (whether they tell you or not) is simply amazed at your strength and dedication.
Don't worry about doing it all. The life of a cancer survivor, is a life moving toward balance.
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