Cancer Picked the Wrong Girl
Written by Kim Mallett
Introductions
My name is Kimberly Mallett and I am new to the world of blogging. Since you don't know me, let me tell you a little about myself. I recently turned 36, I am married to a wonderful man named Ryan, and I have two dogs and a crazy cat. I am a daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter, a wife, and a friend. I am a clinical psychologist and a researcher—hardworking and very ambitious. I am loyal, caring, strong, full of laughter, and sometimes anxious. I am also a cancer survivor.
I never imagined I would describe myself as a cancer survivor, especially in my 30s. I didn't smoke and used sunscreen. I came from a relatively healthy family; in fact, all of my grandparents are alive and well. Little did I know I had a genetic predisposition that made me a ticking time bomb for breast cancer and dramatically increased my odds of getting ovarian cancer. I wonder from time to time if it would have been better to know my risk since I am such a planner. However, most of the time, we don't get the luxury of planning for cancer. It is one of those bad surprises in life that you wish you didn't have to endure like an IRS audit or the flu—nothing you would ever choose.
When it comes down to it, no matter how much you plan or prepare yourself, nothing can ever really brace you for the phrase: "you have cancer." It is a moment that is burned into my memory and I often replay it in my mind. Even though cancer was unexpected, I had a feeling the news from my doctor would not be good. The night before I received the biopsy results, I wondered, "is tonight the last night of life as I know it? Tomorrow will my life change forever?" Deep down I knew something was wrong, even though I was hoping for the best.
Meeting Cancer
"It's a cancer. . ." I heard these words and then my mind shut down. At first I thought I heard the doctor incorrectly. Then he asked me where I wanted to see a surgeon and I realized how drastically my life was about to change. The night before, I was preparing for an all day work retreat, thinking of having a baby and looking forward to dinner plans with friends that weekend. 12 hours later I was making decisions about treatment while my legs were collapsing beneath me and wondering if I was going to die. Talk about a 180-degree turn.
While hearing I had cancer was shocking and unpleasant, breaking the news to my loved ones was worse. Seeing the fear in their eyes, hearing the shaken voices over the phone was challenging to say the least. To make matters worse, none of my family except for my husband knew I had a lump in my breast. Why would they? They all lived across the country and I didn't want to worry anyone for no reason. The doctors were just being cautious after all.
My husband and I called many of our family and friends that day. We didn't want to draw it out and decided it was best to get it over with. By the end we were emotionally exhausted after enduring one of the worst days of our lives. I honestly didn't think I had any more tears left to cry. Everyone wanted to know details, but the only information I could offer was what I had been told over the phone that morning. I had a tumor in my right breast that was large enough to warrant chemotherapy. The pathology report showed it was an aggressive cancer and I was scheduled to meet with a breast surgeon on Monday. I had no idea what the prognosis would be, just that I was slated for several diagnostic tests and at least a year of treatment.
A Voice of Reason
My aunt Paula is a radiologist who specializes in breast care and often diagnosis cancer. My dad called her immediately after I told him the news. I was lucky enough to talk to her the day I was diagnosed. She spoke to me in a way that normalized the situation and made it seem somehow manageable. One of the first things Paula said to me was I was going to be ok. For instance, the fact that my cancer was aggressive would be expected because I was 31 and that was typical of cancers in women my age. She pointed out that cancer was not a medical emergency (like a heart attack) and I would have time to work through my treatment options and develop a course of action versus having to react immediately. She reminded me she sees women every day who have survived this disease andI would too. In that conversation, Paula brought me back to my senses by reminding me I had some power over the situation. When I was told I had cancer I felt helpless, as if I was at its mercy. I had to remind myself that I was not a victim. I realized I had a tough road ahead, but one thing was clear: cancer picked the wrong girl. In that moment, I waged war on the disease. I would do everything in my power to beat this unwelcome visitor in my body. I also decided that I was not going to give cancer the power and privilege of calling the shots in my life. The best thing I could do was act as normal as possible. So after a day of uncertainty and tears, I cleaned myself up. Ryan and I went out to dinner with friends; we even laughed. It was Friday night after all.
My aunt Paula is a radiologist who specializes in breast care and often diagnosis cancer. My dad called her immediately after I told him the news. I was lucky enough to talk to her the day I was diagnosed. She spoke to me in a way that normalized the situation and made it seem somehow manageable. One of the first things Paula said to me was I was going to be ok. For instance, the fact that my cancer was aggressive would be expected because I was 31 and that was typical of cancers in women my age. She pointed out that cancer was not a medical emergency (like a heart attack) and I would have time to work through my treatment options and develop a course of action versus having to react immediately. She reminded me she sees women every day who have survived this disease andI would too. In that conversation, Paula brought me back to my senses by reminding me I had some power over the situation. When I was told I had cancer I felt helpless, as if I was at its mercy. I had to remind myself that I was not a victim. I realized I had a tough road ahead, but one thing was clear: cancer picked the wrong girl. In that moment, I waged war on the disease. I would do everything in my power to beat this unwelcome visitor in my body. I also decided that I was not going to give cancer the power and privilege of calling the shots in my life. The best thing I could do was act as normal as possible. So after a day of uncertainty and tears, I cleaned myself up. Ryan and I went out to dinner with friends; we even laughed. It was Friday night after all.
A Tough Road Ahead
It felt like I was standing at the bottom of Mount Everest with an unbelievable challenge ahead. It seemed like such a difficult climb and I couldn't see the top. However, I was a strong woman and I had friends and loved ones who would help me get through the most difficult times. Despite so many unknowns, the one thing I knew for certain was that failure was not an option.
Less than 2 weeks after my diagnosis at my 32nd birthday party. Friends gathered to show support as I started my journey.
Kimberly Mallett Bio
I have a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology and am currently a Research Faculty member at Penn State. My research is health based and focuses on the prevention of skin cancer and substance abuse. I am originally from the west coast and moved to Pennsylvania in 2005. I grew up in California and have lived in Boise, Idaho and Seattle, Washington. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 at the age of 31. I learned I had the BRCA 2 genetic mutation, which is why I was so young at the time of my diagnosis. I underwent several surgeries (including a double mastectomy and hysterectomy) and months of chemotherapy. I am currently cancer free, happy, healthy, and enjoying life to the fullest!
I have a Ph.D in Clinical Psychology and am currently a Research Faculty member at Penn State. My research is health based and focuses on the prevention of skin cancer and substance abuse. I am originally from the west coast and moved to Pennsylvania in 2005. I grew up in California and have lived in Boise, Idaho and Seattle, Washington. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2007 at the age of 31. I learned I had the BRCA 2 genetic mutation, which is why I was so young at the time of my diagnosis. I underwent several surgeries (including a double mastectomy and hysterectomy) and months of chemotherapy. I am currently cancer free, happy, healthy, and enjoying life to the fullest!
Celebrating my 36th birthday with my husband Ryan in Budapest, Hungary March, 2011
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