From cancer in me to being cancer- free
By livingbeyondbcThis entry was written by Jaime Rossano. Jaime was diagnosed with 2B invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer. Jaime is a college student pursuing a degree in Humanities and Social Science. Every other Friday, Jaime will share a blog entry about her breast cancer experience. This year-long blog series is in honor of LBBC’s 20th anniversary.
To read Jaime’s previous entries, enter “Jaime Rossano” in the search box on this site.
The last few weeks have been sort of slow. There were no doctor’s appointments, no radiation appointments, nothing that I have had no choice of. I have been trying to adjust to life again. Writers block made itself known for the past few weeks. I guess it’s because nothing has been physically happening to me for me to share.
I realize that I’ve been traveling at a speed of 100mph since December and now, all of a sudden, I have stopped. It’s really weird when things just stop. You are left feeling a bit lost – if you ask me. I’ve been trying to feel normal. I’ve been trying to figure out who I am after cancer. I know who I was before cancer, during cancer and now that I’m cancer-free, I’m faced with another question.
First of all, I’m not sure how much I like the term: cancer-free. I feel like those little alien cells can attack me at anytime so I I’ve decided to label this chapter: My Life After Treatment.
My days are always filled with so much joy. I spend a lot of time with my family and friends. I almost feel like what I went through was a dream. I remember every moment going through the process like it was yesterday. I have days where I wake up and I feel wonderful – like nothing has ever happened. But then there are those other days I just sit there and stare at myself in the mirror.
I begin to wonder…
What was the true reason that this has happened to me? What lessons have my cancer taught me? How has this changed me?
My days are still confusing. I still have to leave notes for myself since my mind has been very forgetful. I have a list of my medications everyday so I don’t forget any. I have to look at the calendar every day to remember what day it is and to make sure I don’t miss something. My calendar is really empty this month compared to the past 10 months.
I am left feeling anxious, nervous and self-conscious. I am left to find my own way. Me trying to return to life can be compared to that new kid in the classroom. For me it’s not easy. I know things will eventually fall into place but I’m struggling to figure out how that is going to happen.
I can finally admit I’m struggling to find myself. Cancer has taught me a lot of lessons. Honestly, I would much rather have read a book and took a quiz to learn these lessons but hey, I didn’t have a choice and I’ve been making the best of this situation.
Ronnie has graduated to the next classroom at his school and has been formally introduced to the potty! The over-achiever can even count to ten in Spanish and he sings the entire alphabet!
Do you, like Jaime, question the word cancer-free? You may be interested in joining LBBC for this month’s FREE teleconference:Monitoring for Recurrence and Managing Fears. Call (610) 645 – 4567 to register today. The program starts at 12 noon (EST).
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