Wednesday, August 31, 2011


On gratitude and talking to your kids about cancer

August 29, 2011 - Posted by tamilb
Parenting takes on a new meaning during life's challenges.
Have you ever noticed how you much more you appreciate a sunny day after a week of rainy weather? Or a warm shower after a “roughing it” camping trip? Cancer is like that, I believe. For me, I’ve found I’m so grateful for things I used to take for granted before I was diagnosed.
My 12-year-old daughter Chrissy seems to understand this phenomenon. On an outing to get back-to-school clothes, she told me how my diagnosis made her appreciate our relationship more. We have always been incredibly close. I wonder if we would be as close if not for the uncertainties this disease brings. I find myself even being grateful during one of her “hormonal melt-downs.” How lucky I am to be here for her as she matures into a young woman! Today she started her first day of junior high. I gave thanks to God that I’m here and healthy to send her off to this new adventure.
It’s the ying yang of life, I suppose. For every challenging situation, there are silver linings. I spent most of my youth with a victim mentality. When I was going to junior high, I had poor self-esteem and a turbulent family at home. I saw the world, especially junior high, as an unsafe place. As I became older, I found healing through being in the outdoors, faith in God, and the goal to reverse the cycle of abuse and neglect of my past by being a good parent someday.
Little did I know that something like cancer would prompt further healing and help me become the parent I always wanted to be.  I’m not perfect, as my husband and daughter would tell you! But there’s nothing like a dose of mortality to kick your relationships in gear.
Chrissy told me during that car ride to get school clothes she was glad I don’t hide information from her. She’d always wonder what was going on and think the worst. I told her I will always keep her in the loop and that she can ask me questions anytime. She knows she’s an important member of our team.
No doubt, it can be difficult to discuss such a serious issue with your children. For information on how to talk to your kids, click on this link from the American Cancer Society. I’d love to hear from you on your experiences discussing cancer with your kids.
This entry was posted on Monday, August 29th, 2011 at 11:12 AM and is filed underGratitude, Great sites and organizations, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, ortrackback from your own site.

4 Comments

  1. Maggie says:
    From the beginning of our story with cancer, we have been completely honest with out kids. They were 11 and 13 at the time, now four years later they have really appreciated this because they know what we know and it gives them a sense of control. I have a large family and a wonderful huge group of friends that help us in the community, so my first rule is that any news, good or bad, is first discussed between my husband and two children. Then, it can be ‘released’ into the bigger group. I don’t want them to ever be blindsided about information. It’s hard enough being a teenager with a terminally ill parent. This way they get to really feel like a part of the process and that there is nothing being hidden from them. I think it has helped us tremendously over the last four years.
    ... on August 29th, 2011
  2. Sheila Harder says:
    I was 14 when my own mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Back in that day it was considered by most as a death sentence. I remember thinking that it was. I was the one with her when she received her diagnosis and can remember asking the Dr. what we needed to do to save her life. He advised a radical mastectomy with removal of all the lymph nodes. My mother lived another 15 years after that original diagnosis largely due to that surgeon being aggressive with his surgical attack back when there was no chemotherapy and radiation was not used. Now facing my own battle with cancer I realize how scared she must have been but never seemed to show it. She was just past the 5 year disease free mark when she received her 2nd diagnosis of a new cancer. I felt at the time like the minute we began to relax the disease struck again! It waits for your defenses to be down and then tries to take you down!!! I realize now that she had received a pretty good extension of her life with us in a time when there were not as many defenses to use against the disease. I saw her own determination to beat the disease, her ability to deal with the truth but continue to enjoy and live a full life She, by her example, passed on her “coping skills” to me. By being part of her process I feel I have been able to deal with my own situation better and very head on. As a teenager with a mother dealing with breast cancer, I did not want to cause any additional problems for my Mom as I felt she had enough to deal with!
    ... on August 30th, 2011
  3. Beth L. Gainer says:
    Tami,
    This is such a beautiful posting, and your daughter sounds wonderful!! I’m so glad to hear of your close relationship; it is heart-warming.
    Being open and honest to one’s children seems to be the way to go. After all, they are part of the family and age-appropriate information is a must.
    ... on August 30th, 2011
  4. tamilb says:
    Thanks for your comments, Beth, Shelia and Maggie. Sometimes I feel guilty for sharing so much information with my daughter. I would love to spare her from all this. Your words help confirm this is the way to go.  .. on August 30th, 2011

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