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What do I do with all this anger? (3 posts)

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• rick said 3 hours, 4 minutes ago:
  Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
  Mark Twain

  I met one very very angry cancer caregiver last month. After his wife’s diagnosis, and each test indicating things were worse than anticipated resulting in many changes in treatment plans, he just couldn’t take it anymore …and blew. All this misdirected anger landed everywhere, especially on those he needed most: his medical care team and his coworkers.

  So what is that like? Being so angry at cancer that it takes over all rationality and the anger explodes like a firework singeing everything nearby. Has anyone learned how to safely express that anger? Anyone have any experiences where the anger was completely counterproductive? Please share your thoughts on how you managed that anger.
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• val said 1 hour, 22 minutes ago:
  I can appreciate something like this happening when faced with more and more problems. It can be a grueling experience, once that makes the beast come out very easily. You keep asking more and more questions, keep on becoming more and more scared, you watch everything the cancer patient does, walk, talk, eat, sleep. It becomes an obsession, just because you want things to be BETTER. But, in the long run, the anger just gets in the way. It eats at you and becomes another problem to deal with. I remember, during my treatments, I would talk with my husband and seek consolation and a very definite statement from him in medical terms, mind you, with my diagnosis, even though Dr. Boulay and all his coworkers were so positive. One time, I remember, he got mad at me (I did ask over and over), and just blurted out something in anger because he was tired of hearing of it. I’ll be serious, it didn’t help me, it only made me think more of what I had and whether or not it was going to go away. That only happened once though – everyday from my diagnosis to Dr. Boulay telling me I was in remission, was encouragement, which is what you need. Love and encouragement. I went to Mass one Sunday and the gospel and sermon centered on words the Lord said “Do not be afraid”.
  Those words I must have heard all my life, but that day I really heard them. Turn to God, give up your trials and tribulations to Him. Some of you may think I’m a religious nut, but it works. Right now in our lives we are dealing not only with my diagnosis, but with the diagnosis of my 35 year old son who in March was diagnosed with a brain tumor. After the initial shock set in, it was so difficult for me. This is my son. No one wants anything bad to happen to their children. Belive me I asked questions, compared my life to others I know, but for what. This was happening to us, here and now, and we had to face it and just provide all the love and healing power and encouragement to him, who just had a second mri, which actually looks better than the previous one. THAT’S GOOD NEWS. Stress levels are at an all time high, but anger – no, can’t do that. We, as patients, need all the help we can get, whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual. Anger only destroys rapport. My anger probably is now in the form of shingles, which I was diagnosed with this week. Wow, really never realized how they hurt. I imagine all my stress and anger is bottled up and now in the form of shingles. Is that good or bad????? I have a loving husband, two wonderful children, a great son-in-law and daughter-in-law, and a little girl (2 months old) (my son’s miracle child), and my baby boy (16 months old) who make my world a wonderful place to live in. How can I get angry when my Kevin comes in this house and runs into my arms like he hasn’t seen me in a year!!!!! Or when our little Emma smiles that smile with those beautiful little lips, or when my son and daughter keep telling me – Love you, Ma, or when my husband just puts his arm around me, or when I come and see you Dr. Boulay with that smile and all your coworker who care so much. Can’t be angry

  
  

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