I’m constantly haunted and angered by the language we use with cancer. Lisa Bonchek Adams

The hard truth

January 3rd, 2013 § 9 comments

I’m constantly haunted and angered by the language we use with cancer. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and this is what was in my head. I feel the need to caution: please don’t over-interpret this post: my health status has not changed. I’m not stopping chemo or any such thing. I’ve had a few acquaintances die of cancer this month and that’s where this is coming from.
…………………….

People die of cancer every day.

Do you think they didn’t try hard?
Keep their chins up?
Think positive?
Stay strong?
Do their best?

They did.
But it wasn’t enough.
There is no consolation.
Sometimes there is no “getting better” or
“Kicking cancer’s ass.”
Sometimes there isn’t anything else to do but accept the finality.

That’s not giving up,
That’s accepting what is.

shareshareshare

• Christina Holz (@ChristinaHolz)

  January 3, 2013 at 06:44

  This is especially relevant to me today, my late mother’s birthday. As I’ve said before, your posts are a gift to so many of us. Thank you.

  Reply
• Anonymous

  January 3, 2013 at 07:22

  So true!

  Reply
• chemobrainfog

  January 3, 2013 at 10:41

  Lisa,
  Don’t even bother waiting….. just add this to the Most Popular Posts list. Short and right to the point. The hard truth and often a very bitter pill to swallow.
  AnneMarie

  Reply
• Beth Gainer

  January 3, 2013 at 12:19

  Lisa,

  This short post speaks volumes. I, too, am angered by the language our society attributes to cancer. It’s a blame the cancer patient mentality when a patient dies. Truth is, whether someone lives or dies depends on a variety of complex factors. Wonderful post.

  Reply
• Pam

  January 3, 2013 at 15:49

  Yes.

  I think the root of much misguided thinking and talk is that it’s just hard for us to truly take in the idea that we’re mortal, and that those we love are mortal. We want there to always be some action we or they can take to prevent death, so we go with the metaphor of battle or some such thing. Sometimes, it is not at all apt.

  <3

  Reply
• Katherine C. James

  January 3, 2013 at 17:32

  This same language you mention here is used in response to other kinds of difficulties that do not get better despite a person staying strong, being positive, doing one’s best. I wonder sometimes if this is a peculiarly American phenomenon. In any case it adds a burden to a burden. Sometimes everything is still not enough, and it says absolutely nothing about the person and everything about the hard facts of some situations.

  Reply
• Susan Zager

  January 3, 2013 at 18:58

  This post is right on point. Thanks Lisa for speaking the truth.

  Reply
• AMS Green Solutions (@AMSGreenLLC)

  January 3, 2013 at 20:42

  I hope you are aware of the hearts and minds you touch, Lisa. You are an amazing, amazing teacher of life’s hardest lesson…acceptance of what is. Prayers for you and your beautiful family Lisa..

  Reply
• Karen Woys

  January 4, 2013 at 01:17

  A dear friend sent me a link to your blog. I’ve spent the day reading. You’re a gifted and insightful writer. I feel like you’ve gotten into my mind and sorted my thoughts into expressible words. Thank you. I’ve linked your blog from minr so others may share.

  Reply

  http://lisabadams.com/2013/01/03/the-hard-truth/