What Really Matters
Posted In: Medical Mondays, April 15 2013
By: Rose Egge
By: Rose Egge
The moment Angel asked me to marry him I felt undeservingly lucky. And that’s saying a lot considering one year earlier I had been diagnosed with a rare form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. But as I sat in the Maui condo with the kindest man I have ever met, looking at the stunning ring I had gushed over months earlier, I was taken aback by how blessed I felt.
In that moment I was not thinking about a designer gown or wedding colors. I was in awe of the fact that someone so amazing wanted to spend his life with me.
Unfortunately, it seems the mission of the commercial wedding business is to direct your mind away from such thoughts and instead get you focused on finding “the dress,” picking the right flowers and creating picture perfect memories created by the most incredible photographer available.
Over the last couple months this tailspin of stress has threatened to take over my psyche and left me wondering, “What is this day supposed to be about again?”
One of the gifts that cancer has given me is a constant reminder to live life “my way.” We are all on a time limit but surviving a deadly disease really puts things into perspective. Rather than doing things the way etiquette might require, I am instead most concerned with living my life with as much joy as possible.
But when faced with planning an event that society typically dominates with rules, I almost forgot that urge to enjoy every moment that was born in me just as my cancer was dying.
It’s so easy to fall back into old habits. I started questioning dresses I’d seen and my choice to get married in my parent’s back yard. What will people expect me to wear? I wondered. Is that dress traditional enough? Is the venue formal enough?
Over all, I wondered, “What will everyone think?”
I almost forgot the magical and amazing reality that he wants to marry me.
The reality is that our wedding will be just one day in our lives. I do not have to look my most beautiful that day. It will not be the last dress I buy. It will not be the last party we throw. It will not be the final time we pose for pictures.
What is most important to me is that this day is filled with joy and love.
When I was lying in a hospital bed with chemotherapy pumping through my veins, I was not thinking about how lovely wedding photos will look on my wall 20 years from now. I was thinking of how incredible it would be to stand at the end of that aisle with the man that I love as we decide to spend our lives together. I hope I will never forget that.
This post was written on July 9, 2012, and is featured from Rose’s blog. Check it out here!http://www.komonews.com/news/health/rose/What-really-matters-163097576.html
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