RETURNING TO WORK AFTER CANCER: HOW TO DEAL WITH CO-WORKERS
Thanks so much to everyone who commented and shared their experiences of how to handle job applications and interviews after a diagnosis of cancer. I loved that many of you (myself included) have decided to be open and upfront about the cancer experience, but of course I also respect that others would prefer to keep it private, and I hope yesterday’s post was a help in realizing your right to do so.
Today I thought we could discuss what happens for those of us who return to our old jobs after time off for cancer treatment (I hesitate to say we are the “lucky” ones who get time off, for I am also aware that taking time off is not an option or a choice for some). You may be wondering how your boss and co-workers will react to you. Will they avoid you or any mention of cancer or will they ask you intrusive questions? Will they be supportive? Or will you be stigmatized by your illness? Will it affect promotional opportunities?
Assuming your co-workers and bosses will be curious about your illness, some will ask questions out of concern for your progress, while the office gossips may be more interested in sharing in the drama of cancer. I think the following quote captures what the experience of returning to work can be like:
When I went back to work, for instance, I told only a few colleagues about my diagnosis. I couldn’t handle being smothered in sympathy every time I walked down the hall. I couldn’t deal with probing questions about my lumpectomy. And I couldn’t withstand the whispered stories about the coworker who had died of breast cancer four years earlier. My skin was too thin to protect against uninvited curiosity and concern. Stupid Cancer
So how you do handle their questions?
It can be unsettling to find the demarcation lines between your personal and professional life have become blurred by your illness, so my first suggestion is that you only share what you feel comfortable sharing. If you want to share all the details, then by all means, go ahead; but equally it is ok to tell people that you are doing fine now and do not wish to discuss your illness at work.
One of the difficulties that people with cancer report is having to deal with the myths and misperceptions of what a diagnosis of cancer means. Despite more awareness and openess when it comes to discussing cancer, there are still those who believe that a diagnosis is a death sentence, or that cancer is somehow contagious, or that cancer means you are now less productive as a worker or team member. In this situation a lack of communication will only make the situation more difficult, so strive for open and honest communication with your work colleagues. Reassure them that you are doing ok and that you still want to be a valued member of the team. If there are things that you are not ready to undertake initially, then be honest, and ask for help if you need it.
Prioritize work tasks, say no to unreasonable demands, know your rights, become comfortable with delegating and learn some simple stress-relieving tips you can do at work for those times when you feel overwhelmed. If all this sounds simple, I know from personal experience it isn’t always quite so straightforward, but I do want to stress that preparing yourself as much as you can in advance of returning to work is important. Above all, make your health your priority. You do have options and you do have rights. Be confident and prepared to put them into practice.
Do you have any tips you can share about how to make the transition back to work after cancer treatment easier?
Still, to not be afraid to ask for doable accommodations, like to be able to work a little at home if employer is ok with that and you of course can show you can keep communications and operations seamless. People as I think you have shown, Marie, sometimes don’t know what to do in the face of change.
When I came back after my double mastectomy, it was a lot easier than the first time around since I wasn’t trying to bounce back from chemo and radiation. Again, I was very open with my boss and manager about what I needed and they were both very understanding and accomodating. Nobody at my office treated me differently and with any pity since I was an open breast cancer book.
I will admit that the downside of my two years of dealing with illness is that it pretty much shot to hell any chance I might have had at getting promoted. I feel like I do have the stigma of being unreliable, like, “Hmm, maybe she’ll get sick again and can we trust her with more responsibility.”
Still in the thick of being treated and have held back on letting a lot of people know what is up. My boss and his boss have been very accommodating allowing me to work from home since day one of Neoadjuvant Chemotherapy but, the day is fast approaching for when I’ll have to face these fears of returning, knowing I work with the refined office gossips who are more interested in sharing in the drama of cancer which unfortunately is just not my bag of tea.
I’ve always been a really private person, used to say leadership is a lonely place but, I think it is just my reluctance to share personal information with others. So the stated task at hand is not one I’m looking forward to. For some reason I feel like it threatens who I am, like I have to become someone else in order to appease everyone else.
Sorry – this has turned into a bit of a rant
Great discussion threads both days.
A couple of links: the first is about how expensive it is to have cancer, and how it continues to be expensive after acute treatment is over: http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/story/health/story/2012-02-27/Cancers-growing-burden-the-high-cost-of-care/53271430/1
Here’s another on the impact of ‘chemobrain’ on returning to work, with some heart-breaking comments from women who had to give up careers because there was no way to accommodate the collateral damage that made it impossible for them to do the work they did before cancer:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2775113/pdf/11764_2009_Article_98.pdf
Finally, Cancer and Careers provides a lot of info and help on this very subject:http://www.cancerandcareers.org/en
I’m glad I was able to return to work at all, and still manage to do my job as a healthcare clinician, but frankly, the only accommodation my employer could make for me was to ‘allow’ me to cut back my hours because I don’t have the wherewithal to do my job full-time anymore. There’s no help whatsoever to make up for that lost income. I’ve learned to tighten my belt, over and over, during a time when I really need more help just for everyday home maintenance, help which I cannot afford to hire. I try to be honest at work if someone asks me how I am, but I get tired of ‘educating’ my colleagues, who really ought to know better, being clinicians, but so often don’t.
The fear of recurrence is, for me, in large part the fear of becoming impoverished. And I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones, with a job, health insurance, and a roof over my head. So far.
An important subject, Marie.
http://www.1uponcancer.com/2012/04/13/life-in-the-mainstream-after-cancer/